I am a young guy--not even in my 30s, yet. I have been unbelievably blessed to stand before hundreds of people and preach the Word of God despite my lack of wisdom, my youthful arrogance, my selfish performance oriented flesh and my sometimes overwhelming battles with doubt and disbelief. Despite my numerous shortcomings, Jesus has allowed me to preach to his Body.
I am thankful for godly men like Jimmy Garner, Kip Smith, Mike Deese, Bruce Hopler and John Mackall who have let me stand in their pulpits and proclaim the Word of God.
Yesterday I woke up and honestly didn't feel like preaching at all. My week was scattered and hectic. I usually spend all day Wednesdays in sermon preparation, but was unable to have a block of time longer than 3 hours over the course of the week because of all the friends and family in town. As a result I felt (and was) under prepared logistically and spiritually.
I was frustrated. My frustration quickly gave way to bitterness; my bitterness morphed into anger; my anger bled into depression.
My amazing wife was faithful to hold me up in prayer all week long--especially when I needed it over the weekend. Sunday morning after our team prayer I pulled Art and Jesse aside and told them: "Guys, I just don't want to preach today." These godly men who entrust me with their family's weekly preaching diet laid their hands on me and prayed.
I wish I could say that I immediately felt better, but this is reality. Instead, a quiet working of Spirit was going on in my heart. God's grace was crushing me. When it came time for me to sit on my stool in front of my friends and family the first thing that came to my mind was to confess to them my sin. So, I did. I confessed my stubborn heart, my unwillingness to be dependent on Jesus and my arrogance.
See, I made a decision about three years ago that I would only preach what was real to me. In other words, I will preach only about those things that I have experienced or am currently experiencing. And if I am to preach on something that I have no reference for or am struggling through, I would be honest with the Body and let them know. Yesterday was one of those days when I had to confess a struggle and let God's strength be evident in my weakness.
I am impressed with your decision to be transparent with your fellow believers and those that read this blog. As someone that has only ever been to two churches for the significant portion of my life, I am truly impressed by how preachers in the "emergent" church are now so willing to do this so that the members of the body can see them as real and human and not what I perceive to have been the way previous generations of preachers have preached (i.e. not using their own lives as examples). Just my thoughts.
Posted by: LeAnn | Monday, August 06, 2007 at 03:35 PM
I believe this kind of opening of your soul to a congregation sets a great example of how each of can be free to share the deepest of ourselves w/ our "family." None of us have it all figured out so it's great when we don't have to pretend we do in the church and people understand.
Posted by: Gerry Rogers | Monday, August 06, 2007 at 10:51 PM
Wow...it sounds like you and I had a similar week last week! I had family/friends in town as well preparing for our coming baby, and Sunday a.m. I tired, in a funk, and felt like staying in bed! Praise God for His working through our issues, right?
Thank you so much for your transparency and humility: a very encouraging example to young pastors like myself.
Posted by: jeremy | Tuesday, August 07, 2007 at 09:32 AM
jeremy~ glad to know i wasn't "alone" the other day.
leann~ thanks for swinging by and offering your thoughts. transparency was a huge part of the writing by the authors of the new testament. they always addressed their own shortcomings, sin and failures. yet, in the midst of it, they also said: "imitate me." i think there is a powerful leadership lesson therein.
gerry~ thanks, brutha.
Posted by: adam feldman | Wednesday, August 08, 2007 at 08:07 AM